2:00am ramble
Now you know what scares me the most about blogging. But I am still so intensely concerned about my thoughts being taken out of context that I will blog about it and let go.
I have been diagnosed Bipolar type II. While that makes so many things in my life make sense, it still causes me to bounce between emotions. I can feel very intense joy, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. And another feeling in the next second. How I feel about a situation or person can and does change often.
Why am I blogging?
I want an audience. I once said, "Is it bad that I want to be validated by a stamp the size of the earth? Isn't there worst things to want?" Around that time I also wanted to move to LA and pursue acting. Until I read in a self help book that that desire was wrong. The book did not actually say the word wrong. It was more of the way it discussed this anonymous person. What the book really said was that John Doe's problems would be with him in LA whether he suceeded in becoming an actor or not. Going to LA was a defense mechanism to escape or run away from his problems.
I had a similar avoidence to Psychology when I learned that many individual study Psychology to work there own problems. By the time they accomplish this they are so far along in the program that they ususally finish the degree. So from Psychology I fled.
I can't wait for the day that I have readers and they give my feedback.
Hmm. I'm afraid to share or write anything down, yet I want an audience. Maybe starting to write a blog at 1:00am is not a good idea.
I have been diagnosed Bipolar type II. While that makes so many things in my life make sense, it still causes me to bounce between emotions. I can feel very intense joy, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. And another feeling in the next second. How I feel about a situation or person can and does change often.
Why am I blogging?
I want an audience. I once said, "Is it bad that I want to be validated by a stamp the size of the earth? Isn't there worst things to want?" Around that time I also wanted to move to LA and pursue acting. Until I read in a self help book that that desire was wrong. The book did not actually say the word wrong. It was more of the way it discussed this anonymous person. What the book really said was that John Doe's problems would be with him in LA whether he suceeded in becoming an actor or not. Going to LA was a defense mechanism to escape or run away from his problems.
I had a similar avoidence to Psychology when I learned that many individual study Psychology to work there own problems. By the time they accomplish this they are so far along in the program that they ususally finish the degree. So from Psychology I fled.
I can't wait for the day that I have readers and they give my feedback.
Hmm. I'm afraid to share or write anything down, yet I want an audience. Maybe starting to write a blog at 1:00am is not a good idea.
posted by Vincent at 2:00 AM
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