middle school hell

I have put off blogging about my forced busing days of middle school. But the harder I try to remember enough to make a decent post I am can't really recall what is was like. It's like my mind labels the whole thing as BAD and I can't recall many consecutive events. How well does anyone recall their middle school days? Maybe this is normal and I want to process my memories. Try to thank them. Try to forgive them. And finally let them go.

Let's take some broad strokes...
I remember the smell of the near by industrial plant, it smelled like burning rubber. Recalling the smell makes me want to vomit right now.

I feel the peak of my nausea when entering the building. My nausea started when I woke up, for another day in prison. I never wanted to wake up in the mornings. I tried to miss the bus every morning. Every morning was a battle for my mom to wake me up and get me ready in time to catch the bus. I still have trouble waking up on time.

I recall he small stiff mechanical feeling in my body as I walked the halls trying to not draw any attention to myself. Being noticed by anyone did not usually end well. I became somewhat adept at making myself invisible. I can hide in a crowd of three.


I was quite sad when I typed that. I have touched a little piece of those dark memories. I'll continue next time.