more about hate

I took a history class as an elective for my undergrad, History of U.S. in the 60's. When I think of the 60's it's all cloudy from the dope and incense smoke of the hippies. I don't think about spraying equal rights protesters with fire hoses. Or Jim Crow Laws. Or lynch mobs and hangings.

I dropped the class after three weeks. Every night I would try to read the material, but I couldn't stop crying. I thought over and over, "It's not my fault, I didn't do that to you." I rationalized that I had been tortured in middle school because of how they had been treated. IMO black people are reacting to their treatment, the treatment their parents recieved and the treatment their grandparents experienced. Lashing out at me was... understandable.

But I had never had any negative idea or experience concerning black people before the treatment I experienced. I was taught the suffering of their people through my suffering delivered by their rageful hand. I was taught to hate by their hateful actions toward me.

I did not do anything to you to deserve such treatment.

I see a cyclical behavior that causes itself. Will it end with me? Will it end with you?