today is the greatest, day I've ever had

I had a very emotional (sad) day today.
I learned from my wife, who was talking to my mother about our son, that my first word was daddy. How very fitting that the first thing I would say be the only thing I miss from my life. I admitted to my wife that when I look at my son I often feel joy, or jealously but mostly sadness that he is getting to do the thing that I did not get to do... stare at his father.

I talked about this issue with my wife who pointed out that it seems to come up every few months and that I need to do something about it. We had planned to go to my mom's house sunday but I do not feel well (reason for my lack of posting late this week.) I will try to change to way I was raised and do something about this.

The plan at this point is to:
bring this topic up at my next men's group meeting
possibly schedule an appointment with my former psych
talk to me mom about this
hire a private investigator to find facts about my real father

In the very least I do need his medical history, even if we never meet.